A Dinner of Herbs

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My camera has officially given up its will to live. It happened a few days after my last blog post, so I didn’t get many April pictures, really. This is why I haven’t done a blog post recently. We’re saving up to buy a new body, or at least one that’s new to me (it will definitely be used, but possibly better than my old Rebel). Money is tight these days, but we’re looking for a good deal, so I can’t make any promises, but hopefully it won’t be too long.

In the meantime, I want to share my favorite short story by L. M. Montgomery. It’s been my favorite for a long time and I’ve been wanting to share it for a while, and the boys are both taking naps right now so I’ve decided to take the time to type it out and share it with y’all. It’s light and fun and delightful. Something to hopefully brighten your day and bring a smile.

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This is from the book of short stories titled At the Altar, and it is titled, “A Dinner of Herbs.”

“But–but,” said Robin Lyle blankly, “that is impossible, Myra.”

In the bright lexicon of Mrs George Lyle there was no such word as impossible.

“Not at all,” she said briskly. “In fact, it’s necessary. The twins must have a room to themselves now. The boys will have Grandma’s room. So of course Gladys must room with you. That big west room is large enough for a dozen, I’m sure.”

There was a note of dissatisfaction in Myra Lyle’s voice. She had always been secretly resentful that Robin should have that big sunny room – the only room with a fireplace. Myra wanted it for a guest room. But as long as Grandma Lyle lived one could do nothing about it. And in some matters George was stubborn, though generally his wife led him round by the ear.

Robin continued to look blank. Yet she said nothing more. She had not lived sixteen years under the same roof with Myra Lyle without learning the futility of saying anything – even when her mother was alive. And now that her mother was dead, there would be no check on Myra. George simply did not count – George who had always thought, thought still, and would continue to think, that Robin must be “brought up.”

Her silence and her blankness worried Myra a bit. Myra could not understand silence – could not understand anyone who did not think at the top of her voice and empty her feelings out to the dregs. Of course, Robin had always been a sly, secretive thing.

“Why should you mind sharing your room with Gladys?” she demanded, answering Robin’s silence. “I’d think you’d like to have a young life so near you to keep you from growing old.”

“I don’t mind growing old if I can be left to do it in peace,” said Robin. “I’m sure I won’t like rooming with a young girl.”

“Well, it won’t be for long. I think Irving Keyes will see to that.”

There was a smirk on Myra’s face which had the same effect on Robin that a dig in the ribs with Myra’s fat elbow would have had. In fact, she could not endure it. She turned and went out of the room, in silence. Myra sighed – she had “put up” with that for sixteen years. Then Myra smiled. Irving Keyes! And a widower always meant business. Myra went back to her sewing. Things were working out very nicely. Grandma was out of the way at last, and Robin would soon be off their hands. A good match too – one the clan would approve of! George had been foolish to think Robin had a notion of Michael Stanislaws – Michael, who was poor and hadn’t even the decency to be ashamed of it. Shell-shocked in the war, with a lean brown face scarred by shrapnel, and a leg that wasn’t much use, he was just baching it over at Owl’s Roost and pottering round his show dahlias, with two black cats forever at his heels. No, no, Robin was no fool. But she ust be told not to dilly-dally with her good fortune. Before her mother’s death there had been some talk of Irving Keyes’s interest in Blanche Foster, a handsome girl much younger than Robin. Myra found it hard to believe that anyone could prefer pale, old-maidish Robin to her. Yet, as Irving Keyes seemed to be blessedly inclined that way, Robin must be made to understand that she must not let him slip through her fingers – again. A well-to-do merchant with the most expensive car in the village and a house with more ornamentation on it than any house in the country! Myra sighed and wondered why fate had given her only a farmer. She felt she would have shown as a general merchant’s wife.

“As soon as Robin is married,” she decided, “I’ll give Gladys the guest room and have the west room done over.”

———————

Robin went to her room – the only spot on earth she had ever been able to call her own. And, as always when she went into it, the peace and dignity and beauty of it seemed to envelop her like a charm. She was in a different world – a world where George and Myra could not quarrel or the hired girl be impertinent to her; and the everlasting noise and racket of the household died away at its threshold like the spent wave of a troubled sea. For years all that had supported her through the drudgery of days spent waiting on a querulous invalid was the certainty of finding herself alone in her dear room at night where dreams gave some mysterious strength for another day.

The north window looked down on leagues of rippled sea and distant, misty, fairy-like coasts. Between it and the sand dunes was only a dwindling grove of ragged old spruces.

The west window looked out on Owl’s Roost, with its orchard and garden, where First and Second Peter prowled darkly, and Michael himself played his violin at hours when all decent people should be in bed. Sometimes, too, he ate his slender meals in the orchard, under an enormous apple tree, never dreaming that Robin Lyle was watching him from her window and wishing shamelessly that she might play “Thou” to his crust of bread and jug of milk. Nor was the book of verse wanting. Michael read as he ate, propping his book up against the jug.

And now all this would be taken from her. She knew exactly what rooming with Gladys and her shrieking chums would mean. No more dreaming; no more shadowy hours of listening to Michael’s stormy music in the orchard; no more early dawns watching the silent mysterious ships drift by the dunes to the harbour; never again alone with the night.

No, she could not endure it. Even sleek, prosperous Irving Keyes would be better than that.

“Life isn’t fair,” said Robin drearily, as if there was any use in saying it.

She went to the glass and looked at herself. She looked at her straight, black, bobbed hair, dark blue eyes and white, heart-shaped face; at her wide mouth quirked up at the corners so that she always seemed to be laughing even when very sad. And she thought of Blanche Foster’s red-gold hair and flashing black eyes and brilliant complexion. Blanche Foster, who had always made Robin feel old and dowdy and silly. It was amazing that Irving Keyes didn’t prefer her, but since he didn’t…

Robin shivered a little and sat down by the west window in the moonlight. The window was open, and the faint, cold, sweet perfumes of night drifted in – blent with the whiff of Michael Stanislaws’s pipe, neither faint nor sweet, but very alluring. Once, when she was eighteen, she had had a fleeting fancy for Irving Keyes – and he knew it. Even yet he was attractive – until he spoke. But his funny vulgar stories and his great haw-haws! And his love for practical jokes! He still thought it a joke to stick out his foot and trip somebody up. And he still thought it wit to call eggs cackleberries.

Irving Keyes had been heard to boast that he had got everything he wanted in life. And now he wanted Robin Lyle. Robin thought he would get that too, despite his roars of laughter and the jigarees on his house.

What else was there for her? Arnold Clive? No! She shivered again. Austere, religious Arnold with the face of a fanatic: high, narrow brow, deep-set intolerant eyes, merciless mouth – quite out of the question! And, after all, she liked Irving very well.

She looked over at Owl’s Roost. What a nice, gentle little old house it was; a nice lazy old house – a house that had folded its hands and said, “I will rest.” It had none of the Lyle efficiency and up-to-dateness about it, with a sly little eyebrow window above the porch roof and the magic of tress around it. She loved the trees around Owl’s Roost. There were no trees around George’s house. Myra thought shade unsanitary.

Michael was smoking his pipe at the fence with an orchard full of mysterious moonlit delights behind him. Robin wished she could go down and talk with him. She had sometimes talked with him over the fence. Not often, and yet she felt curiously well acquainted with him. They had laughed together the first time they had talked, and when two people have laughed – really laughed – together they are good friends for life.

Though Michael did not laugh much. If anything, he was bitter. But there was somthing stimulating and pungent about his bitterness – like chokeberries. They puckered your mouth horribly, but still you hankered for them.

“I wonder what he is thinking of,” thought Robin.

She knew she only thought it. Yet a voice drifted up to her from the orchard.

“I’m thinking how very silvery that dark cloud must be on the moon side,” said the voice. “come down here and help me watch it leaving the moon. It’s as good as an eclipse.”

Robin flew downstairs, out of the side door and along the brick walk, worn by many feet. Michael was hanging over the fence. First Peter sat hunched up beside him, and Second Peter smoothed about his shoulder. First Peter always let Robin stroke him, but Second Peter swore at her. Second Peter was not to be hoodwinked.

Robin stood beside Michael on the other side of the fence, where moonlight would lie white as snow on the flagged walk when the cloud passed. She had never been through the fence. There was no gate between the Lyle yard and the old orchard, lying fragrant and velvety under the enchantment of night.

They stood there together in a wonderful silence until the cloud had passed.

“‘He who has seen the full moon break forth from behind a dark cloud at night, has been present like an archangel at the creation of light and the world,'” quoted Michael, whacking his pipe on the fence and putting it in his pocket. “Wasn’t it worth watching, Miss Lyle?”

“If there was on thing she hated more than another, it was having Michael call her “Miss Lyle.” She hated it so much that she answered “Yes” stiffly and unenthusiastically.

“It’s impossible to avoid the conclusion that something is bothering you,” said Michael. “Tell First Peter about it and I’ll listen in.”

A perfectly crazy impulse mastered Robin. She would tell him. She had to tell somebody.

“I can’t make up my mind which of two men to marry,” she said bluntly.

Michael was silent for an appreciable space. All the sounds audible were First Peter purring and a dog taking the countryside into his confidence two farms away. His silence got on Robin’s nerves.

“That wasn’t quite true,” she said crossly. “There are two – but there’s only one I could really consider possible. And the trouble is I don’t want to marry him – or anyone,” she added hastily, telling a second tarradiddle.

“Then why marry him?” said Michael. “Why marry at all if you don’t want to, in this day of woman’s emancipation?”

“The trouble is – I’m not emancipated,” sighed Robin, wishing that First Peter would stop purring. It was outrageous that a cat should be so blatantly happy. Though why shouldn’t he be happy? Couldn’t he sit on Michael’s shoulder and snuggle his nose against Michael’s face? Wasn’t he doing it now, darn him! Yet she was still talking on. “I’m twenty years behind the times. I’m thirty-three and I’m not trained to do anything. I’ve no special gift. I can’t sew or teach or pound a typewriter. All I can do, or want to do, is keep house. And I must marry – or room with Gladys.”

“Do you think Irving Keyes would be a more agreeable room-mate?” said Michael sarcastically – though she had not said anything about Irving Keyes.

“Well, he won’t plaster my dressing table with powder – or raise Cain when he can’t find his hairpins – or yell to Baal if he has chilblains – or look in the mirror the same time I do – purposely,” said Robin defiantly.

“I think I see what you’re up against,” said Michael, beginning to fill his pipe again.

“You don’t – not fully – a man couldn’t,” snapped Robin. “Gladys will talk me to death about her beaus. Gladys thinks there’s no fun in having a beau unless you can tell everybody about him and what he said and what he did. She’ll laugh at my funny old pictures with big sleeves and hats high on the head. Shell come in and wake me up in the wee sma’s. She’ll insist on having the most awful silver pig with a blue velvet pincushion on his back on my table. She’ll bring her ampageous school chums in and chitter-chatter for hours. And everything will be either wonderful or priceless. I’ll never be alone any more,” concluded Robin pathetically.

That gets me,” said Michael. “And the alternative is Irving Keyes. A handsome fellow with gobs of money. Why don’t you like him?”

“I do. But I don’t feel like marrying him, for several reasons.”

“For instance…”

“He likes bread thick, and I like it thin,” said Robin flippantly. She felt she had been absurd in telling Michael as much as she had.

“Every proper man likes bread thick. I’ve no sympathy with you there.”

“our taste in jokes is entirely different.”

“Ah, that’s serious,” said Michael, not sounding serious.

“And…” Robin looked at another cloud that was creeping over the moon. “I-I want someone else.”

“Oh!” Second Peter snarled, as if he had been pushed aside with a foot.

“He’s the only man in the world for me,” said Robin, looking straight at Michael.

“That’s a large order out of approximately five hundred million men,” said Michael drily.

He began to smoke insolently. The cloud was over the moon, and the world was dark. Robin felt cold and old and silly and empty.

“I must go in,” she said.

“Wait a sec.” Michael was rummaging in his pocket. “Here’s something for your rose-jar.”

He handed her over a paper bag full of dried rose-leaves.

“All I can give any woman now – withered rose-leaves,” he said lightly. Irving’s a good fellow. Perhaps you can teach him to laugh in the right place. I’d have a try.”

————–

Robin went away for two weeks to visit a school chum two years older than herself whose daughter was engaged. She had not been away for a visit for ten years. When she came back, Michael asked her (still over the fence) if good wishes were in order.

“Not yet,” said Robin airily. She thought Michael looked tired and a bit old.

“I’ve promised to give him his answer today. Write it to him. I couldn’t say ‘yes’ face to face.”

“But I’m quite sure ‘yes’ is the best thing to say,” said Michael, stooping to tickle Second Peter’s ear. Second Peter snarled. You couldn’t hoodwink Second Peter.

“Of course it is,” said Robin piteously. “But the trouble is — I don’t want to say it – Michael.”

Somehow their eyes met. Eyes can say so much in just a second. At least Robin’s could. Michael’s didn’t say anything. She realized that he had looked into her heart, but that she had not even had a peep into his.”

“I’m horribly poor,” said Michael slowly.

“But laughter would always be a guest in our house,” said Robin.

“I always have First Peter sleeping on the foot of the bed.”

“Why not Second Peter too?”

“Everything in my house is chipped or mended or torn.”

“We wouldn’t be afraid to use it, then.”

“I’ve got a temper, and shell-shock didn’t improve it. We’d fight often.”

“Husbands and wives have a right to fight now and then, haven’t they?”

“Getting up before breakfast and working between meals isn’t supposed to be to my liking.”

“After thirty-three years of George’s efficiency, a lazy man would be nice for a change.”

“I’m inclined to be a vegetarian.”

“‘Better a dinner of herbs,'” quoted Robin.

“All the ready cash I have in the world just at present is ten dollars.”

“Enough for a licence and a wedding ring,” said Robin brazenly.

“Let’s take a chance at it then,” said Michael, looking at First Peter.

Robin laughed under her breath. She sobbed the next minute. She flung out her hands as if to push Michael and Peter and the fence a thousand miles away.

“Oh, my dear – my dear, how funny you are,” she said. “Why, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last one of the five hundred million left alive in the world.”

Michael’s face was expressionless. He looked past her at Second Peter on an apple bough, still refusing to be hoodwinked.

“Sorry,” he said. “I thought you would like the idea. My mistake.”

George Lyle scowled at Robin when she went in.

“Don’t make a fool of yourself over Michael Stanislaws,” he said bluntly.

“But isn’t that just what I’ve done?” said Robin.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve just refused to marry him.”

“Thank heaven you’d enough sense for that,” said relieved George.

There were five doors on the way to her room and Robin banged them all. Oh, so he pitied her! She had badgered him into asking her to marry him out of pity. Oh, she’d show him. She flew to her table – she would write Irving Keyes his answer on the spot.

“Cat, are you laughing?” Michael was saying furiously to Second Peter.

Robin went down to the mailbox ostentatiously after dinner to mail her letter. Michael was tying up his dahlias as she passed and waved his hand airily at her. Robin had to wave back because she hand’t been able to make up her mind as yet whether to hate or ignore him. She waved with the hand that held Irving Keyes’s letter.

Michael had gone from the garden when she came back. He was sitting on his shaky verandah talking to a man who had presumably come in the smart green car parked in the lane. There was a pile of shabby old books on the chair between them. She could hear Michael laughing. She went up to her room – hers for one day more only – and sat down by the west window. The mailbox was hidden from her view by the wild cherry at the gate, but presently the postman’s motor wheeled by, Robin shivered. Her letter was gone – irrevocably. At once a panic horror of her future seized her. Why had she? Oh, why had she?

At sunset Michael came to the fence and called her. Robin, deciding that you should at least be civil to a rejected suitor, asked him from her window what he wanted.

“I’ve a sin on my conscience. Perhaps worse – a mistake,” Michael called back. “Come down and let me confess.”

Robin told herself she was not interested in Michael’s sins, but she went down. He was leaning on the fence and his cap was pulled down so far that she couldn’t see his eyes.

“Do you think Irving Keyes has your letter by now?” he said impertinently.

“He should have.”

“Well, he hasn’t That letter is in ashes in my kitchen stove. I went down and took it out of the mailbox before the postman came. You can put me in the pen for that, I believe.”

Robin looked at Second Peter, who had the air of making up his mind to the inevitable.

“Why did you do that?”

“I found it was simply impossible to let you marry another man. Why did you refuse my heart and hand and a few insignificant worldly goods this morning?”

“I wasn’t going to be married out of pity.”

“Pity! Do you suppose I’ve committed a felony – or is it only a misdemeanour – out of pity? I’ve loved you ever since that first day we talked over the fence. But I’m so poor – and lame – and ugly.”

“You’re not ugly and not very lame and I don’t care how poor you are,” said Robin so shamelessly that Second Peter blushed for her.

Michael leaned over the fence and took her hand.

“I found out this afternoon that my old edition of The Pilgrim’s Progress is worth a thousand dollars. Shall we put the money in the bank for a rainy day or run over to Europe for our honeymoon in places I know over there? There’s a village in the Appennines – ‘the cloudy Appennines’…”

“Let us go to Europe,” said Robin recklessly. “Umbrellas have been invented since that proverb was.”

Second Peter was so disgusted at what followed that he stalked away bristling. But he had always known it – always expected it. You couldn’t hoodwink Second Peter.

“Did you read the letter?” Robin asked before she went in to have it out with George and Myra.

“Of course not,” said Michael indignantly. “I may be a thief, but I’m not a sneak.”

“It’s a pity you didn’t,” said Robin coolly, “because if you had you’d have seen that I refused him.”

March

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“It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” L. M. Montgomery

 

my most favorite flowers are in full bloom right now

 

Grant is known as “Dopey” among those of us who love him because this is his resting face 😛

his smile is the most transforming, delightful, beautiful thing, and thankfully, he hands out smiles freely 🙂

 

 

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watching them play together happily is good for my soul

 

foggy mornings

 

nothing like the satisfied triumph of climbing into a chair all by yourself.

 

I love him ❤

 

their relationship makes me so happy

 

Kade and Atticus have the sweetest friendship.

 

Evening of bubbles

 

Stay safe and healthy out there! Much love…<3

February

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“We tend to ignore the power of the words because we use them all the time for both meaningful and meaningless things.

Being alive involves being brave so do speak your mind, but also mind your words because they are more powerful than we are taught to believe.

When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”

-Jordan Peterson

 

My incredibly handsome husband. ❤

 

my boys at the bookstore.

 

all the kitties in the one patch of sunlight in the yard

 

we haven’t really gotten a winter this year. It’s been warm off and on with very little cold and no snow at all. But spring is here and we may as well capture and enjoy it. 😛

I’m home from church this morning for the second Sunday in a row. Last week, I stayed home because Lucas was teething (3 molars at once) and absolutely miserable and angry at the world. I figured most of my time would be spent in the nursery anyway, so I stayed home with him. Today, Atticus is recovering from something. He had a fever last night and still isn’t 100%. You never know when these things are contagious, so we’re all home this morning, watching Bambi and taking vitamin c every hour. I have a sore throat so who knows what’s going on.

I’m already looking forward to naps this afternoon. 😛

I’ve been thinking about my word for the year, and I think it’s somewhere along the lines of Family, Together, or Present. I want to pull back from social media this year and spend more time with my family, being a wife and a mama in a more intentional way. It’s where my heart is being drawn. Something happened yesterday that confirmed it for me.

I’m having to repent lately. I’m so selfish, and arrogant, and I believe my own lies, and ugh. Facing that sucks. But it’s so dang good for me and I’m trying not to resist this road of repentance and renewal despite the fact that it’s humbling, and humility comes with a heavy dose of pain. May God burn the chaff and make me more like him. In quietness and confidence is my strength. Emphasis on quiet, apparently.

Love y’all. Pray for me. ❤

January

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies.

The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them.

The second is that if you love someone, you must agree with everything they believe or do.

Both are nonsense.

You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”   -Rick Warren

 

I have an announcement! We are building a house this year! The first steps have been made, with a driveway just put in, and the basement dug out. We’ve been talking about moving for a long time and bought land in 2017. We’re finally at the place where it’s time to actually do it, and it all feels so surreal now that it’s actually happening. I’m so excited all I can think about is house plans, decorating schemes, and trying to save money. 😛

I haven’t taken many pictures this month, so this is only going to be a house post.

our little curving driveway

 

the hole in the ground that will someday be our home. 🙂

 

surveying our future

 

throwing rocks at our future

 

there’s some really nice trees around our place that I’m already in love with!

 

standing where our future bedroom will be.

 

daffodils in our little patchy yard! ❤

 

the driveway from the other direction

 

I’m still not sure if I have my word for the year. I’ve been praying and I feel like it’s something along the lines of Together…or maybe Gentle. I want to let go of anger and frustration in a flow of grace and mercy. I want to spend more time with my family this year. I want to spend less time with a screen in front of my face. I want to speak more softly to my children. I want to look my husband in the eyes more often. I want my heart to be with family…so maybe that’s my word, huh. Family. I think I’ll know for sure what it looks like by the end of February (hopefully). I’ll let you know.

Love and Peace ❤

November and December

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” -John 14: 26

I might wax a little retrospective as I post this last blog post of 2019. So fair warning.

I have learned and grown so much this year. Sometimes I feel like the person I am now, and the one I was last January are almost two different personalities. It’s probably not that extreme, but a lot has changed inside me, and I am grateful for all of it.

 

warm sourdough bread, freshly baked

 

My word for this year was peace. I think I had mentioned that, at the beginning of this year. I want to write a little about what I’ve learned about peace, and the impact this word has had on my life.

I think I’ve learned more about what peace is not, to be honest…

  1. Peace is not circumstantial. “These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) 
    1. This has long been my favorite verse. I love the honesty of this promise. The Bible never promises smooth sailing, prosperity, easy living. This verse promises tribulation—n. Great affliction, trial, or distress; suffering: synonymtrial. n. An experience that tests one’s endurance, patience, or faith. synonymburden. n. A state of affliction or oppression; suffering; distress. So let there be no mistake: we are going to suffer. But then the rock solid confidence that says, “but be happy! I have overcome it all.”

 

those insanely cozy fireplaces on youtube

the beautifully dreary days lately

 

2. Peace is not worry or fear. “Don’t worry about anything; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phillipians 4:6-7)

Isn’t that an awe inspiring promise? I feel like I should take my shoes off…this is holy ground. And isn’t it beautiful, how it always comes back to thankfulness? What if I would remember to thank God as I bring all my fears and worries to him, requesting all the desires of my heart, but always thanking him as well…isn’t peace a guarantee according to this verse? And don’t forget the part where he says he will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. God wants to keep us. He’s not letting us go voluntarily. We belong to him.

 

our pretty kitties. No names have really stuck. Suggestions are welcome.

 

3. Peace is not anger. “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring peace in the end.” (Proverbs 29:11)

This one hit me in the gut. I like venting. It does make me feel better. There are feelings of justification and vindication when you vent to the right person…and I do think there is a place for going to someone who is wiser with a situation that makes you angry and just letting it all hang out. We all need that one safe, wise place we can go to, especially if they’re not scared to disagree and tell us we’re overreacting. But if I’m very honest, the more I think about it, the more I question the act of venting…especially if I’m venting about a person. Is there really that much benefit to it? Enough that it makes it worth the risk of displeasing God with gossip? I don’t know. Maybe if vent we must, we should vent to God instead…he’s definitely a safe place, and he has a way of cutting through the fog of helpless frustration to the very heart of the matter. He’s done it with me multiple times, in a way that sweeps aside all the BS I’m spouting and brings me face to face with truth. It’s not fun. It’s humbling, and beautiful though. He also guides us to the path of forgiveness, and that’s always the path to peace.

 

Lucas learning to walk and congratulating himself with clapping

 

Ironically, or maybe it isn’t ironic to anyone but me, this year has been the most unpeaceful of my life. At the beginning of this year, I got tossed into a storm…no, I walked into a war. Willingly. This goes against everything I hold dear in life. My peace-loving, people-pleasing self wants nothing more than to pretend the world is one big, happy place, those in authority are trying their best to do what is best for everyone, and everyone is basically good. If there is a war, I don’t want any part of it. I normally hide and hope things blow over, and if I ignore it for long enough, it’ll hopefully go away. I don’t like conflict, and taking any kind of stand, especially a controversial one, is very difficult for me. I just want people to like me. 😛

This year has changed my default personality in some ways. The truth I uncovered along with the knowledge that God wants me to shed light on this truth, despite the very real possibility of being misunderstood, has led me to be more confrontational than I’ve ever been before. To speak when I’d rather stay silent. Finding a balance has come with so many mistakes and things I’ve had to repent for, but God is being patient with me and I am learning… I’m so far from where I want to be….but I’ve come a long way, and I’m so thankful for what God is doing in my life…especially where he’s showing me my pride and selfishness and helping me repent of the things that hold me back from working in my life, or using me properly.

 

Lucas at 11 months

 

Atticus saying commanding things to a kitty who coolly ignores him

 

their absolute perfection

 

reality

 

I think what I’ve learned most about peace, and being able to find it, even at the darkest, most turbulent time, is that God is where it’s at. I know that’s kind of stating the obvious, but sometimes, the obvious needs stating. When you’re in a war and it looks like darkness is winning, go to God. When you’re fighting a fight that looks completely hopeless, go to God. When you’re trembling under a load of worry and fear, no matter how well-founded, go to God. When you’re so angry you can’t see straight, and the outrage at the injustice of this world makes you want to scream, go to God.

And He will give you peace.

 

I love them beyond all words

 

his handsome little self

 

They are opposite in so many ways. Physically, for sure. Christopher calls Atticus Skinny Boy, and Lucas is Fat Boy. Where Atticus is exuberant, Lucas is placid. Where Atticus is too busy for snuggles, most of the time, Lucas comes up and lays his head on my leg multiple times a day. Where Atticus is easy to sway, Lucas is stubborn and unmoving. I think this picture captures their differences so well. They are my pride and joy. 🙂

 

I hope y’all had a beautiful holiday season and that 2020 is a year full of blessings and beauty for you all! ❤

October

“Let us not grow weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.” -Galations 6:9

This verse has become my favorite over the past few weeks…it speaks deep inside me, offering hope and encouragement when things look dark.

 

My dear friend Shana came to meet me the beginning of Oct. We have been corresponding for over 5 years and she finally traveled from Kentucky to VA to visit. We spent a glorious week together, getting to know each other in person after years of heartfelt letters. It was wonderful, and watching her leave was sad…I miss her and wish horribly she lived closer.

 

She inspires me to set aside my phone to read to my kids more.

Emma and Atticus got along so well. 🙂

We did a bit of a family photoshoot for cards, and this was part of the warmup…Shana took pictures of us all together and if you’re on our list, you’ll see the results sometime soon. 😉

 

We had a campfire after to celebrate the cool weather. ❤

 

Believe it or not, this was the best pic I got of him. 😛

 

This is how Lucas crawls. He builds up speed and is basically run-crawling sometimes and it’s truly amazing and hysterical to watch. I’m told that some children who learn to crawl on hardwood floors do this, and it seems pretty accurate although I don’t remember Atticus doing this…

 

I can’t believe I have a 3 year old!

 

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The electrical company moved wires across our property and before they did, they took down our massive oak tree and all the brush screening us from the store next door. Not to be dramatic or anything, but we’re still in mourning and I don’t know if we’ll ever get over it. Atticus had fun with the wood pile though. 😛

We went to the beach this month, just our little family. We didn’t have a Sandbridge this year because almost all of us were broke, but we still wanted to celebrate the end of summer, so we went as a family for 2 nights and had a beautiful little time in a beach front hotel. I’ve never stayed in a room right up close to the beach like that, and the sunrises off our balcony were AMAZING. (I still had to go down and get pics right in the sand though. ❤

September

“Where there is righteousness in the heart, there is beauty in the character. When there is beauty in the character, there is harmony in the home. When there is harmony in the home, there is order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.” -A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

 

Atticus loves hitting everything with his bat, but especially balls thrown at him by Christopher and I. Sometimes, he even hits the ball and it makes him so happy. 🙂

 

He is so solemn sometimes, no matter what I do to try and make him smile.

Other times, he smiles with very little coaxing.

 

My beautiful friend Kaye came to visit me towards the end of September and seeing her, getting to know her sweet babies, and just reconnecting was so good for my soul. ❤

The rest of these are just going to be my favorites of our children…enjoy. 🙂

July and August

“But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
    you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
    you are the helper of the fatherless.
   Break the arm of the wicked man;
    call the evildoer to account for his wickedness
    that would not otherwise be found out.

The Lord is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that mere earthly mortals
will never again strike terror.” -Psalm 10: 15-18

My time taking flowers to church every Sunday is at an end…I think I’m going to miss it a little bit. It’s been so fun to find bouquets and take them to add a little pop of beauty…

 

Lucas turns 7 months. ❤

 

I feel like this has been the summer of butterflies…so much beauty!

 

Lucas turns 8 months. He’s working on FIVE teeth right now. We’re actually home from church right now because he’s been so miserable and feverish…

 

For some reason, Christopher’s exuberant tries to get him to smile, caused a lip quiver instead. Sometimes he’s inexplicably sensitive. 🙂

 

For those of you who don’t follow me on social media, we had a scare with Lucas last month. He fell off the bed 3 weeks ago on Sunday afternoon and got a huge bump on the side of his head. His behavior stayed completely normal except for it being very sore if I touched it, and so we didn’t take him in to get checked out until the next day when the hematoma had diffused into generalized swelling all down the side of face and head, which I didn’t think was normal. A CT of his head showed a linear skull fracture with leaking of blood and cerebrospinal fluid. We were shocked and horrified and very worried, but even though that started over 24 hours of what now feels kind of like torture, we came home on Tuesday night very thankful that our little guy is perfectly okay and has no ill effects from it at all. Not sure if you can see the bump on the left side of his head in his 8 month pictures? That was few days after we got home from the Hospital and had settled back into normal life, after the lady from CPS came out and cleared us. It was a really bad nightmare ordeal from start to finish, but thank God he is healthy and okay, and that he will no longer be left on the bed for any amount of time, and any subsequent children will be watched over very carefully as well. 😛

June

Posted on

“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.” -JFK

 

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We went to Williamsburg the beginning of this month. My husband had an unexpected week off of work and we decided to celebrate it with a little family outing. We had so much fun! The hotel pools were amazing. ❤

 

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And then later on this month we spontaneously went to the zoo with family. Here is Atticus in the middle with cousin Kade and Madison, holding hands as we entered the zoo.

 

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The monkeys were having some kind of fit and were literally screaming at each other at top volume. It was deafening, and quite the experience for Atticus. He was awe-inspired.

 

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feeding the giraffes is always a favorite part.

 

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This was my favorite part. We didn’t have food for the birds, but they LOVED Christopher! He loved them back until one of them started to peck at a mole on his neck in a continuous, hammer-like motion with persistence and intensity. It hurt like crazy. He was done shortly after that lol.

 

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Lucas cheerfully refused to go to sleep for the longest time. After we finally won the battle, he didn’t sleep very long and was quite grouchy after that. 6 months is not the age to really enjoy a zoo, I suppose.

 

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Our fat little ray of sunshine is 6 months old.

 

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Making good use of the rain puddles

 

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He’s insanely close to crawling, and has been for the past few weeks, but hasn’t quite managed to conquer it despite being able to scoot backwards into all kinds of weird places.

 

May

Posted on

Today: Soak in what’s real and what’s real is unhurried. The ground. The air. The exhale. The planted seed. The shift. The season. -Victoria Erickson

 

IMG_8619IMG_8620IMG_8622I just love them all to pieces…

 

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bluets are still my favorite flower and probably my most favorite thing about Spring. There were so many this year!

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He wore these precious overalls for just a few seconds before he outgrew them, and Atticus basically wore them from 6 to 9 months without much of a break.

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He’s almost always chewing on his tongue these days, and drooling puddles wherever he goes.

 

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this one hits me in the feels, it captures him so well

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he smiled at them with a friendly air

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nothing happier than a pile of kittens

 

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matcha, a comfy chair, an amazing book, and cheap flowers I bought recently…<3